Healing

I really should have started back doing this a while ago. Please know that my lack of posting here wasn't for lack of gratitude, it was for a lack of regular Internet access and lack of any sense of normalcy in my life.

Divorce is... well it's tough, and there's  no way around that. Thankfully I've crossed a bunch of the hurdles and come out stronger and more confident on the other side.

I've still got some stuff to deal with though, like this stupid sprained shoulder I got at work. My work has been wonderful of course, I work for some really good people. The real trouble with it isn't the pain, because I can take pain, it's the emotional side, feeling useless, feeling like I don't contribute my fair share.

I went to Physical Therapy for the first time the other day and left feeling hopeful. I spend so much time thinking can't can't can't because of the work limitations the Doctor set that thinking can is so nice. I CAN do 20 reps of this without a problem. I CAN move certain directions without pain.

I mean, I have to ice afterward and Tylenol is... well not my best friend, because I've got some rocking friends, but my frustration level is much lower.

Father, thank you for healing, and those that heal. Thank you for the times that I have helped others heal, and thank you for the Masterful healing you have sent into my life.

Love notes from God

You know, I've had some hard days. I've had some hard weeks. I've had some hard years. I don't know how long this current hard time is going to last, but I'm just focused on enduring it well.
I have a lot of help in this too, becuase God keeps sending me love notes. I keep getting just the message I need at that moment, through the scriptures, through books, through friends (my angels.)
Today, for example, God sent a note through a friend and got it to me right before Sacrament meeting started. She spoke a simple verse, and I don't know if she even knew what it would mean to me because I don't think she even knows the extent of my trial, but she knew she needed to say it in that moment and I will always be thankful that she was God's postman today.
Thank you, Lord, for the love note. Message recieved. Love you.

So tired

My husband is on another business trip. We had to get up really early this morning to get him to the airport before church. Then we rushed home to get ready for church, but made it in plenty of time. I'm going to write this and head to bed.

Lord, thank you for his job. So many are out of work, so many have struggled so hard, and we have been immeasurably blessed in our job security.
Lord, thank you for the kids being good in church today, it was an unexpected blessing to have all three of them so sleepy, but also so good.
Lord, thank you for helping me with my temper this week. I still have a long way to go, but I did better.
Lord, thank you for that little frog last night, he was just so cute.
Lord, thank you for the dog finally learning frogs don't taste good too, it's so sweet to see that he is growing up.
Lord, thank you for Maider and Nkaujzoo and their enthusiastic support.
Lord, thank you for my gifts.
Lord, thank you for helping me turn out as someone with good self esteem, even if I get a little big headed at times.
Lord, thank you for raspberry vinaigrette, and how yummy it is in a salad with strawberries and blueberries.
Lord, thank you for continuing to sustain Kelley through her illness so that she might do so much good.
Lord, thank you for the Tadlocks and the way they care for me and I for them.
Lord, thank you for my health. I take if for granted, but I am so very blessed.
Lord, thank you for the kids doing so well on the End of Grade tests.
Lord, thank you for helping me get that schedule written.
Lord, thank you for being my rock amid the churning sea of life. I know I can always count on you.

Lima beans and other things

I'm tired, I should have been in bed ages ago, but I'm not, and I'm feeling reflective, so let's see what comes out.

First off, I will admit that I'm re-using here. A bunch of us are having a long spiritual discussion, and this faithful brother posted about Alma's parable of the seed. So, this was my response:

So funny you should post this today. I have very black thumbs. I'm a natural born plant killer.

However, we've been doing that Lima bean in a bag with a paper towel thing at work with the kids. I started one, then a week later started another and so on.

I was shocked at how much bigger it was in just a week, it had nearly doubled in size. It soaked up so much water, and had grown so much in a short time. In the next few days it already had a little root. I was so excited to see it.

Now it has a stem that is over an inch long, and it's just amazing to see how much growth can come from just a little care, a little warmth, a little bit of water, a little time.

It makes me so sad to think of how often we deprive our testimonies of that. We grow cold, or we dry up, or we get impatient. Then we want to blame God for not making our seed grow, when what have we given it?

We need to cultivate our testimonies, we really do. We need to put them in a safe, sunny, moist, place. We need to not block out the things they need. We need to be patient and understand that growth takes time, and that it's a miracle each time it happens.

Yes Lord, for the first time in my life I am thankful for Lima beans.Thank you for what they have brought to me.

Lord, I would also like to thank you for that thread, it's so nice to have a safe place to share my spiritual thoughts.

Lord, thank you for writing too. I'd say I'd be lost without it, but I've rather proven that fact recently, being between books. Those short stories may not be much, but the process of writing them fills me and calms me so much.

Speaking of calm, it was unsettling to read those verses in the bible, so unexpectedly after all this "Rapture" stuff. The way you spoke peace so powerfully to my soul during my prayer, well it was unspeakably beautiful. I don't need to know when, and really, I'm not even going to pull out revelations and try to figure it out right now, because I trust you. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Lord, thank you that my brother graduated this week. He needs this success, and he needs to be out in the world. I'm so proud of him, and I know you are too. Thank you for all the help thou hast sent him along the way.

Thank you Lord that my kids rooms were clean already so I didn't have to make them clean them today.

Lord, than you for reminding me that I needed to buy socks, the situation was getting dire.

Lord, thank you for Adele's success. I know this has little to do with me, but it is so nice to see a chubby woman at the top of the charts. It really is. Please help her handle the success well.

I am very behind

Sad how short a time it has taken me to get to the tri-monthly post habit.
Sigh.
I'm just so blah right now, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'll try.

I'm thankful for my church. I attended three "Praise and Worship" meetings at a camp this weekend and Sacrament Meeting with three wiggly kids is more powerful and spirit-filled for me.

Lord, thank you for the gentle glow of the spirit that I know so well.

I got to perform at Campfire. The thing about that kind of camp is that they don't ever jeer or boo, so a standing ovation was almost guaranteed. I'm not sure what they really thought about "Jesus Street" but being up there and singing my heart out while a hundred people clap out a beat was very nice. I don't get to perform often.

Lord, thank you for getting to perform in such a good environment.

I just had rice in my burrito. I don't know why that makes burritos so much better, but it does.

Lord, thank you for rice in my burritos.

The dreaded End of Grade Tests begin tomorrow for my older two. They are worried. I'm not really worried. I sure do appreciate not having homework for either of them though.

Lord, thank you for a night off of homework, for two of them at least.

I filled out the paperwork for my kids to go to summer camp at work this summer.

Lord, thank you for options that will get my kids out of the house so they don't keep waking up their Dad this summer.

I slept in my own bed last night. The beds weren't too bad at camp, but they were a reminder of how nice my own bed is.

Lord, thank you for a nice soft bed in a climate controlled house.

I saw some really beautiful scenes on a nature walk with a friend. I was sad I didn't have my camera, but I did stop to enjoy them.

Lord, thank you for simple scenes of great beauty.

My kids missed me.

Lord, thanks for the relationship I have with my kids.

My husband "rescued" a German Shepherd while I was gone. It is living at my in-laws house.

Lord, thank you for having them love big dogs, because I'm just not up to one.

Someone really irritated me while we were competing at camp. I hate competition with a passion and really didn't enjoy that being at the camp set me up for it again and again. This lady is very competitive and aggressive when competing. So thankfully we didn't win, and neither did she and it hasn't gotten another word. We can get along fine as long as people don't pit us against each other.

Lord, thank you for the favor of losing and for the lesson learned, though I'll never understand why people think it's okay to say things in a competitive situation that would never fly otherwise.
I know, I know, I'm too sensitive. Sigh.

Thai Spice, Little miracles, and good clean fun

I signed the kids up for "Kids night out" tonight, not so much because I needed a night off, but because a) if I didn't they wouldn't meet the quota and have to cancel and my friend wouldn't get her hours and b) they feed the kids pizza before they take them swimming. It really is a great little program.
I was kind of bummed though because I didn't have anything to do, Joe is out of town, so I dressed up anyway and thought I'd take myself out to dinner at Thai Spice. I love their Beef Pad Woon Sen. I've been craving it for weeks, but when I tried to take the kids they were packed and we couldn't get in.
I got to work and dropped off the kids to find that my beloved boss and my dear employee were both finishing up for the night. Neither of them had plans as their husbands were with their kids doing daddy things so we gleefully went out to dinner together.
Not only was the food great, we laughed the whole time. I don't know how long it's been since I've had that much fun. It was just what I needed.

Lord, thank you for Thai Spice's great food, for the miracles of meeting my friends so fortuitously and getting a table on a Friday night, and for the good clean fun we had just being girls.

Ten times ten

Some one's husband left the church recently, and it came at a hard time for her, she really struggled with her own testimony. I'm so thankful that even though Joe has no interest in the Gospel my testimony is stronger than ever and I was able to tell her to cling to the things she knows are true and they will see her through the storm of doubts.

1. My testimony is strong.

Someone lost a baby recently, and no one ever seems to know how to react after a miscarriage. She feels so many things, and I ache with her. I'm on the other side of all that, and I long to pull her to this place where sure it hurts a bit, but that pain has made you better.

2. I have learned through my losses.

I see people who get a kick out of debate. They like to argue. I can't stand contention.

3. I am a peacemaker.

My talk on Eater Sunday went really well. I wasn't nervous and the spirit was strong as I shared the scriptures and my testimony of the Savior.

4. I love to share my love for the Savior.

The High Councilman who spoke after me is kind of a fan of my son. Apparently they spent some time sitting next to each other in Primary a few weeks back and the gentleman was impressed. James can be a handful, but I'm thankful that his testimony and keen grasp of Gospel concepts shines through.

5. God is part of my children's lives.

Osama Bin Laden is dead. I am relieved he can't hurt anyone anymore, but I do not feel joy at his death.

6. I see people as Children of God.

I get to teach art camp again this summer, pending enrollment. I can't wait to pass on the techniques that will give a voice to their creative energies.

7. I am a Teacher.

My kids hug pretty much every teacher they meet, every day. They hug people at work. They hug people at church.

8. My children carry on my tradition of loving people.

I talked to a friend who needed a listening ear.

9. I do the work of God, a little every day.

My husband is away, and I'm okay. Sure I miss him and sure I'll be happy to snuggle into his chest when he gets home, but I'm fine.

10. I am secure in who I am.

Ten things, from the past ten days, ten things that are blessings worth thanks times ten. I am so rich with blessings.

Thank you Lord for blessing me ten times ten.